King Of The North
by thegoblinjester
Summary: Once upon a time there was a boy whose brother was kidnapped by a faerie king. DenNor, SuFin and other pairings.
1. Once Upon A Time

**AKA Goblin's worst casting choice for Jareth EVER. Like all my multi-chapter fics, this will contain a butt-load of pairings.**

* * *

Sigurd Bondevik was bored. That wasn't an uncommon occurrence for him.

He was often bored. He was pretty sure that he had been spoiled by books and movies and his mother, as he always found himself waiting for an adventure. He dreamed of dragons and Hobbits and daring sword fights and magic and demons and yetis and vampires and trolls and himself interacting with those listed above.

The schoolteachers and neighbors knew him as a dreamer at best, downright weird at worst. The other kids didn't like him much, although the occasional girl would flirt at him every now and then. He didn't care enough to interact with any of them. They were all boring and ordinary and fake.

Only one person had ever left a true impression on Sigurd's heart, and that was his mother.

Rowena Bondevik had often read him stories. Fantasies, adventure novels, sci-fi stories... but most prominently, she had read him fairytales. All the classics and then some, with stories by the brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson and several you've never heard of. He grew up on Rose Red And Snow White, and Thumbelina, and The Three Brothers, and several stories about the King of the North.

The King of the North might have been something Mrs. Bondevik had come up with on the spot, perhaps an old teenage fantasy of hers. The king ruled over a frozen Labyrinth and several faithful, if a bit dimwitted, subjects. He was a powerful, ill-tempered king who stole young girls' siblings and brought them to the Labyrinth.

Sigurd had always admired the king. He sometimes wished in secret that he could live in the Labyrinth and befriend the king. In his mom's stories, the king was always a figure of confidence and intrigue. He was genuine and dramatic and brave. He was an ideal that Sigurd strove to live by after the accident.

His mother had died that day, and Sigurd shut himself up in his room for months. To entertain himself, he wrote stories. Fantasies, mostly. Escapes from reality.

Eventually, his father married a stern woman and they had a child together. His name was Emil and Sigurd instantly loathed him. Sigurd loathed anything to do with his stepmother, and tended to avoid her.

She wasn't particularly awful, but quite restricting, and didn't approve of Sigurd's constant daydreaming and apathetic attitude. Sigurd didn't approve of her intolerance and general air of superiority.

On this particular evening, she had asked Sigurd to baby-sit. So, Sigurd was sitting in his room, fiddling with a music box and ignoring Emil.

Eventually, he noticed that something was missing.

"Mr. Puffin..." he muttered, glancing at his bed. Sure enough, the plush bird was missing. "_Someone's_ been in my room again."

He got up, slamming one of the drawers on his desk closed, and went over to his brother's room. There in the crib sat Mister Puffin, Sigurd's beloved childhood toy.

Sigurd picked up the bird, frowning at the baby.

"I hate you, you know." he told Emil. The baby was crying, though not quite loudly. He was whimpering, and there were tears running down his face, but he wasn't wailing.

"Crying will do you no good." Sigurd told him.

The baby kept crying.

"Want to hear a story?" Sigurd asked, an idea coming to him. He picked the baby up, cradling him gently as he began to tell his(highly abridged, as his full story was rather long) version of the tale of the King of the North. "Once, there was a young man whose mother died, so his father married a wicked witch who birthed a spoiled child. The witch and the baby worked the young man to near death, and the father did nothing about it.

"What no one knew was that the King of the North had given him certain powers. The boy suffered in silence, until one night when he could bear it no longer. He called upon the icekind, who were minions of the King. 'Say your right wordss,' the icekind said. The boy stood tall and recited the words that had been given to him.

"King of the North, wherever you may be, rid me of the burden that is this child."

Sigurd paused, as Emil kept crying.

"I wish I _did_ know the right words..." he muttered. He put Emil back in his crib, and started to leave the room. Just as he reached the light switch, he stopped. "I wish the icekind _would_ take you away."

He turned off the light.

"Right now."

As he stepped into the hall, Sigurd noticed something. He could no longer hear his half-brother's irritating whimpering.

"Emil?"

He turned the light back on. Or, at least, he tried to. The power must have gone out.

Sigurd strode over to the crib, pulling back the covers.

He sighed.

Emil was _gone._

An icy chill overtook the room, and Sigurd felt like he was being watched. From what he could see, he was all alone, but he knew better.

There was an owl at the window. A snowy owl.

Sigurd went and opened the window, meaning to demand an explanation. There was obviously something magical afoot and Sigurd meant to get to the bottom of it.

The owl looked rather taken aback at the invitation, but it flew inside.

And it was no longer an owl.

Sigurd, done gasping, merely raised an eyebrow,

_Sparkle, sparkle._

The owl had become an incredibly good-looking young man, with gravity-defiant blond hair, and piercing ice-blue eyes. He was wearing a cape that sparkled like the night sky, beautiful clothing befitting a nobleman and... really tight pants. His eyes were well defined with what looked like makeup, but might have been his natural fairyness.

Sigurd couldn't help but stare.

Even without a crown, it was apparent who this new arrival was.

"You're him, aren't you." Sigurd said, playing it cool. "You're the King of the North."

The king blinked.

"You know who I am? I mean, of _course_ you do. My awesomeness is basically _legendary._ I didn't figure I was so popular that even mortals knew of me, though! Guess I shouldn't be surprised... have I amassed a following?

Sigurd wasn't exactly sure how to respond to this blatant dorkiness.

"My mother told me stories of you." Sigurd said. "I thought she had made them up."

"Oh." said the king, a bit taken aback. "Huh. Must have been one of those prophetic types..."

"I'd like my brother back, if it's all the same." Sigurd replied. _Also, you're criminally sexy._ He added mentally.

The King smirked, apparently trying to be cool and mysterious.

"What's said is said, sweetheart. He's long gone now."

Sigurd crossed his arms.

"Yeah, but I'm sure you have the power to bring him back, and if you don't, I'll strangle you with that frilly neck piece of yours."

The King's expression turned dark.

"You dare threaten the King of winter? I almost think you don't deserve the gift I brought you!"

"Gift?"

The King produced a small crystal sphere, letting it rest on the tips of his fingers.

"Isn't it neat? Some loser elf sold it to me at, like, a _quarter_ of it's worth!" he exclaimed. "I think it does magic fortune telling or something... want it?"

"I want my brother back." Sigurd replied.

"Hey, _you_ wished him away. I merely did what you asked!" the king said defiantly. "Forget about him!"

"No." Sigurd replied defiantly. "You can boss me around all you like, King of ice, but I'm not going to obey. Make your _own_ damn sammich."

The King frowned again.

"My name is Aksel." he told Sigurd, who blinked in surprise.

"You never said what your name was in the story..." Sigurd muttered.

"This isn't a story, Sigurd. This is real."

"I'm very well aware of that. Where the hell is my brother?"

"I think you know very well where he is." Aksel replied with a wide grin. He pointed towards the Labyrinth, which certainly hadn't been there a moment ago. "He's in there. You have-"

"Thirteen hours." Sigurd said, cutting him off. "I have thirteen hours to solve the Labyrinth before you turn Emil into one of the icekind."

Aksel looked surprised.

"Uh... yeah. Exactly."

"Great. See you in thirteen hours or less."

Aksel stared at him for a moment more, much like a dog stares at that last bit of steak before you eat it, then turned on his heel and disappeared.

"I didn't expect my childhood hero to be such a jackass..." Sigurd muttered to himself as he walked over to the Labyrinth. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time, much like the king of it. It was made entirely out of ice and snow, and the castle at the center sparkled in the sunlight.

Something in pink stood out from the white. A little boy, clothed in a dress, was going about with a spray can, taking aim at the little fluttery things that hung around the walls of the Labyrinth and shooting them with the contents of the bottle.

Sigurd gasped when he realized that they were fairies, with snowflakes for wings.

He rushed over and picked up one of the little creatures, stroking its hair.

"Poor thing..." he muttered, then glared at the little boy. "You brat! What do you think you're doing?"

The little boy jumped, and turned to the Norwegian boy with an expression of contempt.

"I'm doing my _job,_ fuckass."

Sigurd was a bit taken aback by the words coming out of the kid's mouth, but he was still more than a little angry.

"You're _hurting_ them! What on earth gives you the right to do that to another living creature?"

"I'm just ridding the place of those damn little pests." the boy said grumpily. "Watch out, they bite."

Sigurd looked down at the fairy, who sat there innocently. It made no move to harm him in any way. In fact, it looked completely smitten with the young Norwegian.

"Well, they _usually_ do. That one must be stunned by your stupidity." the little boy huffed. Sigurd placed his accent as Italian.

"You're such a well-mannered child." Sigurd said sarcastically, putting the fairy down.

"I'm not a child!" the boy shouted. "Before I wished my stupid brother here, I was an adult! I had a job and a car and a cat and a boyfriend who's the most annoying man on the planet and-" the maybe-child started crying. "Leave me alone, jerkface! You might as well give up right now, because no bitch has ever made it through this goddamn Labyrinth and that sure as hell ain't gonna change now!"

"You wished your brother here, too?" Sigurd asked, raising an eyebrow.

"He deserved it! And then I tried to solve the Labyrinth but Aksel was like 'fuck no' so he turned me into a little kid and my brother into a worm and now I'm stuck working here!" the Italian ranted, tears flowing down his cheeks.

Sigurd couldn't help but feel a little bad for him.

"Geez, Aksel really _is_ a royal ass." the blond muttered.

"That's what I've been _saying!_" the Italian exclaimed.

"What's your name?" Sigurd asked.

"Lovino Vargas."

"I'm Sigurd."

"Figured as much. His royal jerkiness won't shut up about you." Lovino grumbled. Sigurd sat down in front of him.

"Is that so?" the blond asked, a bit creeped out and a bit flattered. "I'm sure that's how it is for all the unfortunate people he brings here."

Lovino shrugged.

"I can tell you that he didn't give a rat's ass about _me._"

Sigurd had nothing more to say on the subject, so he changed it.

"What's that you were saying earlier, about a boyfriend?" Sigurd kind of wanted to be a writer when he grew up, so hearing other people's stories might help him with that. Or maybe he just wanted to change the subject.

Lovino sniffled.

"Antonio Fernandez Carriedo – the most obnoxious, annoying, oblivious, air-headed man in the universe... god, I miss him."

"Well, Lovino, if I make it to the center of the Labyrinth, I'll make sure you get sent back to where you came from – proper age and everything."

"Thanks, but _nobody_ has made it through the Labyrinth." Lovino said darkly. "I'll eat my apron if _you_ make it through."

"Even though you say you're an adult, you're really a little brat." Sigurd sighed. "Tell me how to get into the Labyrinth, and I'll let you be."

Lovino pointed to the door which hadn't been there before.

"Thanks." Sigurd said blankly, tugging it open. Inside, he found what was sort of a hallway. To the left, there was a stretch of wall. To the right, there was another stretch of wall. It was _real_ exciting.

Sigurd immediately put his hand against the wall, for that was the trick with mazes. He started off to the right, and didn't even flinch when he heard the door slam shut behind him. He walked and walked, and walked a bit more. He kept walking until he grew very frustrated and promptly kicked the wall and sat down with his arms crossed.

"_Fuck_ this Labyrinth. I really really hate Aksel right now. What a -sexy- bastard. Holy shit, the ground is like ice. Wait, it _is_ ice. Damn snowy king of frostiness."

He grumbled to himself like that for a moment, until a small voice made him snap back to reality.

"Ciao! Would you like to come in and have some pasta?"

_Another_ Italian?

Sigurd looked down at the chilly wall he was sitting against. There, on a little ledge of snow, sat a little worm with bright amber eyes and curly antennae.

"Are you... the foul-mouthed boy's brother?" Sigurd asked.

"Si! That's-a me! I'm Feliciano Vargas! Just call me Feli, if you like! I know who _you_ are; you're Sigurd! Everyone's been talking about you!"

"... You're a worm."

"Uh-huh! When my fratello failed to solve the Labyrinth, the king turned me into a worm! It's alright, I guess, but I really miss Ludwig!"

"Who's Ludwig?"

The worm sighed dreamily.

"The man I love more than anything in the world – even pasta! He's kinda strict and scary, but he's also really sweet and caring and brave and strong!"

"I bet you really hate Aksel for taking you away from him."

"I think Aksel really doesn't have a choice." the worm said thoughtfully. "The wish-away words are supposed to be given to the one he falls in love with-"

"To be fair, the words aren't that hard to figure out."

"-but other people stumble upon them and he's forced to take whoever they wish away! And I suppose it's just convenient for him to turn those he kidnaps into caretakers for the Labyrinth."

"Still, he's an asshole."

The worm laughed.

"You sound like my brother!" it said. "Sig, I may be a bit naïve, but I think Aksel has a heart of gold beneath his coldness! I mean, you're cold, too, but I'm _certain_ you're a nice guy because you're here for your brother, and that's _super_ nice!"

"Thanks..." the blond said. "Hey, do you know how I can get out of this never-ending hallway? I need to get Emil back."

"The hallway's not never-ending, silly! It's _full_ of openings! There's one right across from you, trust me!"

Sigurd stood up, and walked forward. Sure enough, he didn't hit the opposing wall when he thought he would.

"Wow... thank you, Feli. I hope you can find Ludwig again someday..." the Norwegian told the worm.

"Me too. Good luck, Sigurd! I hope you find your brother! And go easy on Aksel, alright? He's not _all_ bad!" Feliciano called as Sigurd disappeared from sight. "Wait a minute, that was the wrong way..." the worm said with a frown. "Darn it! I never get it right! Oh, I hope he makes it..."

* * *

**Since I have most of this written down, this will be a way to pass the time until I start posting Frostbite.**


	2. Riddles In The Light

"Heh, this baby's kinda cute... not as loud as the others..." Aksel mused, playing a game that might have been patty-cake if not for the addition of the crystal sphere. Emil seemed interested, though he remained blank-faced.

"Utterly adorable." Aksel's favorite servant said, smiling at the child. Tino always loved the babies that Aksel whisked away.

"No where near as cute as Sigurd, though." the king sighed.

"You sure are taken with him, your majesty." Tino remarked.

"I can't help it... he's just so... _different_ from all the other people I've brought here." Aksel said. "He's smart, he's cool and collected, he's not afraid to talk back to me, he's so _gorgeous..._ but he'll never love me, I can tell you that."

"No need to give up hope, your highness." said Tino.

"There's never been _any_ hope, Tino. He's got a life ahead of him, choices to make, people to meet... plus, I stole his brother. I'm sure that hasn't earned me any points." the king said sadly. "I'm a monster. Underneath these designer pants and boatloads of sparkles, I'm just a monster guarding the Labyrinth."

Secretly, Tino agreed with him, but he knew not to voice his opinions out loud.

"Well, your iciness, I recommend you just let whatever happens happen, and we'll see where that takes you."

"Alright, Tino..." Aksel said, smiling softly. "We'll see how Sigurd does, though he should know better than to go against a king when his brother is on the line."

The baby giggled as the Fae ruler bounced him on his knee.

* * *

Sigurd soon learned that keeping one hand against the wall was useless, as the walls had a very bad habit of changing around him. He couldn't even tell which direction he was going, as the sun remained in its highest point in the sky and seemed to have no intention of moving.

How long had it been? Certainly not more than an hour or so... time was hard to keep track of in this place. It was also very cold, despite the unfiltered sunlight. The ground was slightly slippery and the walls seemed to be made out of ice and snow, though they were entirely impenetrable.

The dead ends made it even worse. Whenever Sigurd thought that he was finally getting somewhere, he hit a dead end.

"Damn..." he muttered, finding himself in front of another small expanse of icy wall. He turned around, only to find another dead end. "Am I trapped?" he wondered, turning again. This time, he found two doors, and two creatures with shields in front of the doors. "Oh... this bit..." Sigurd sighed.

"Good day, lad." one of the creatures said kindly. "By any chance are you this 'Sigurd' fellow we've heard tell about?"

"And what's your blood type?" the other asked.

Sigurd stared at them. This wasn't how he remembered them from the book.

"Yeah, I'm Sigurd." he replied, deciding not to dignify the second creature's question with a response.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." the polite one said. His accent was definitely British. "I suppose you'll be wanting to go through one of these here doors?"

"It's the only way to go." Sigurd said with a shrug.

"Don't be silly, there are plenty of ways!" the slightly bloodthirsty one laughed.

"Like what?"

The two guards looked at each other, then back to Sigurd.

"We don't know." the second guard admitted.

"So I need to figure out which door I want to go through, correct?" Sigurd asked.

"It doesn't matter. They both end in traps." the British one said. The bloodthirsty one gasped.

"Arthur! You're not supposed to tell him that!"

"What does it matter, Vlad?" the Brit asked sullenly. "I don't care what the king does to me. Besides, this young lad might as well know... if he makes to the castle, then we'd have a chance of becoming ourselves again."

"Who were you before?" Sigurd asked. He was finding that most everyone he met in this Labyrinth had a story to tell. It was another reason for him to get to the center; maybe he could restore these people to their proper forms as well as find his brother.

"I think Vlad was a vampire, but he won't tell me." the Brit said. "I was Arthur Kirkland, fantasy novelist. I had wished one of my brothers here, and failed to solve the Labyrinth in time. I think he was turned into a fox..."

"Who do you miss in the real world?" Sigurd asked.

"How did you know I'm missing someone?" the Brit asked suspiciously.

"Everyone I've met in here is." the teen replied with a shrug.

"Most of us do..." Arthur sighed. "Mine was Alfred F Jones, an obnoxious American git who called himself a hero. I'm certain he's long dead, though. I've been working here longer than most people..."

"Sorry." Sigurd said, feeling a bit bad that he didn't have anyone who'd miss him back in Reality.

"No matter." Arthur said. "It was a long time ago, and I know I should move on..."

"He's totally head-over-heels for one of the byrds," Vlad told Sigurd in a stage-whisper that they both knew Arthur could hear, "but he won't admit it to himself. A shame, really. Yao's super cute."

"I heard that, you wanker!" the Brit exclaimed angrily. "And I'll have you know that my romantic life is none of your business!"

"It's not like you're constantly going on about it or anything." Vlad said, rolling his eyes.

"If you don't mind," Sigurd said sharply, "I really need to find my brother, so could you two stop bickering for a moment?"

"Fine!" Arthur relented.

"Which door is the least likely to get me killed?" Sigurd asked.

"Mine." Vlad replied. "You wouldn't think so, because I'm all fangs and stuff, but that's the beauty of it."

"He's right." Arthur said. "Behind _my_ door, there's a hydra."

"Alright, then. Let me through." Sigurd said to Vlad.

"Wait a tic! Because you got to know which door to go through, I've gotta give you _some_ difficulty! It's in my job description!" the maybe-vampire said,

"Fine. What do you have in mind?"

"Riddles!" Vlad said. Arthur groaned.

"He spends all his free time-and he has a _lot_ of that- thinking up riddles. Good luck, Sigurd. You'll need it."

Sigurd thought for a moment, considering his options. He wasn't the _best_ at solving riddles, but the clock was ticking and he could see no other solution.

"Alright. I have to get all three right, correct?"

"Yup!" Vlad said. "First riddle: What goes up a chimney down, but not down a chimney up?"

Sigurd racked his brains for an answer, then looked helplessly at Arthur. To Sigurd's relief, the Brit was miming opening an umbrella, which made guessing the answer easy. Luckily, Vlad didn't notice this apparent cheating.

"An umbrella." Sigurd said.

"Right! Next riddle: the moon is my father, the sea is my mother; I have a million brothers, I die when I reach land."

Sigurd made sure not to look like he was glancing at Arthur, who was moving his arms like the ocean, then waving.

"A wave." Sigurd guessed.

"Wow, you're good!" Vlad laughed. "Final riddle: a plane crashed, and every single person died. Two survived. Why?"

Arthur shrugged helplessly.

Sigurd had a moment of internal panic, then thought carefully about the wording of the riddle... ah.

"They were married."

Arthur slapped a hand across his forehead, ashamed at not being able to guess that.

"Correct!" Vlad said. "Man, I need to think up trickier riddles. You may pass!"

He stepped aside as Sigurd walked forward and pushed the door open.

"Thanks, you two." he said.

"No problem! I hope you find your brother!" Vlad said. "If you don't make it, we're definitely getting fired!"

"Watch your step." Arthur warned as the ground disappeared from beneath Sigurd and he fell.

"Hey Arthur, at night they come without being fetched, and at day they leave without being stolen."

"Stars, Vlad."

* * *

**Sigurd you blatant cheater**


	3. Beauty's Beast

"He's already in the oubliette?" Aksel exclaimed. "Wow. I... wow."

"Are you disappointed, sir?" Tino asked.

"No, I'm impressed!" Aksel said. "No one else has ever made it that far! This kid's got some serious pluck, I can tell you that!"

"He certainly is very... methodical?" Tino said, not sure if that was the correct word.

"Call me crazy, but it's almost like this place is going easy on him." Aksel frowned. "Hm. Lovi should be along soon to 'help'."

"I still don't get the point in trying to get Sigurd to give up if you like him so much, sir." the smaller blond said.

"It's all a big game, kid." Aksel explained. "I'm pretty sure he's clever enough to get himself outta there. I'm contractually obliged to make this as difficult as possible for him, anyway. Character growth or something like that. I really kinda want him to solve the Labyrinth, but a king's gotta do what a king's gotta do."

* * *

"Well, this certainly beats a hydra." Sigurd muttered, getting to his feet and brushing himself off. He now stood in a dark and dirty room, and couldn't see his own hand in front of his face. "Aksel should hire better interior lighting designers. This is rather drab for him."

"He never goes in here." a voice said, and a candle was lit.

"Oh, it's you." Sigurd said distastefully at the sight of Lovino. "What are you doing here?"

"Geez, enough of the warm welcome." the Italian said, rolling his eyes. "I'm here because you said that if you made it to the center, you'd make sure I got out of here."

"You didn't help me much _earlier._" Sigurd pointed out.

"I do what I fucking want, alright?"

"How did Antonio put up with you?" Sigurd wondered out loud. He had obviously hit a nerve, for Lovino's face went red with fury.

"HE JUST DID, DAMMIT. HE'S MORE AMAZING THAN YOU COULD EVER HOPE TO BE, SO LEAVE ME ALONE!" Lovino yelled.

"Now I don't feel like returning you to your proper form." Sigurd said calmly.

"Not like you'd ever make it to the center, anyway." the brunet huffed, taking a tomato out of a bag he had and munching on it.

"Hey, Lovino, sorry I said that about you," said Sigurd, "but I really need to get my brother back. Can you help me out of here?"

Though Lovino softened at the apology, he was still stubborn little Lovino Vargas.

"What's in it for me?" he demanded.

"I'll buy you all the tomatoes you could ever want when we return to the human world?" Sigurd suggested.

"Not good enough. There's no guarantee that you'll make it, even with my help. Besides, no one grows tomatoes better than Antonio, and he'll give them to me for free."

Sigurd thought for a moment.

"I could give you something of little monetary value, but precious to me..."

"What is it?"

Sigurd unpinned the cross from his hair, and held it out. He would miss it, but not as much as he'd miss his brother if he failed.

"... I'll take it." Lovino said after a moment of consideration. He took the cross and pinned it to his apron.

"Now get me out of here. It's awfully stuffy."

"Alright, alright. Keep your damn pants on." the brunet said, walking over to the wall and picking up a flat piece of wood. He leaned the panel against the wall and put a doorknob in one side. He opened the newly-made door, and Sigurd was quite relieved to see the light of day ahead of him.

After a while, they ended up in a more sewer-like area, having passed the false alarms. It was dank, but not too dark. The two of them paused as a small crystal ball rolled past, and they exchanged a worried glance before following it.

It only rolled a short ways before Aksel picked it up and smiled at Sigurd.

"Hello again, precious." he said smoothly, though he seemed to be fighting back a grin.

"Don't call me that. I watched The Hobbit recently, and I refuse to be referred to as Gollum calls the One Ring." Sigurd said.

"What are you talking about?" the king asked.

"Never mind. Just call me by my name, please."

"What's in a name, anyway?" Aksel asked. "A rose by any other name would yadda yadda whatever. Besides, only a _true_ name has power. Like in the Inheritance Cycle! Most people don't know their own, you know."

"I'm sure _you_ know _yours._"

"I'm not most people, Sigurd." Aksel said in a slightly boastful manner. "Most people could not drink two barrels of dwarven liquor and remain clear-headed. Most people can't summon up the most powerful ax in the world. Most people-"

"Most people don't wear skin-tight pants and make up when trying to appear manly." Sigurd said coolly, though he honestly didn't mind the pants.

"Enough of the chit-chat." Aksel said dismissively. "I'm here to talk to Lovino."

"What the hell do you want, bastard?" the Italian demanded, though Sigurd noted the hint of fear in his voice.

"I want to know why you're leading Sigurd to the center of my Labyrinth." said Aksel, smiling as if he were discussing his favorite sport.

"I-I-I wasn't! I was leading him back to the beginning, like you told me!" Lovino insisted.

"Is that so?" both Sigurd and Aksel asked at the same time.

"Of course!" the Italian cried.

Aksel crouched down so he could be at eye level with little Lovino.

"What is that thing you've got pinned to your apron?" the king asked.

"It's none of your damn business, is what it is!" the brunet boy said.

"Everything within this Labyrinth is my business, Lovino." Aksel hissed.

"Leave the little traitor alone." Sigurd said, because the Italian looked like he was about to pass out. Aksel straightened and turned his attention to Sigurd.

"As you wish, dearest."

"Are you just saying that to bug me, or have you never heard of The Princess Bride?" asked Sigurd.

"I've read the book, but I'm not saying it to bother you." Aksel said. "How are you enjoying the Labyrinth, Sigurd? Pretty damn awe inspiring, am I right?"

"Oh, where should I begin?" Sigurd asked sarcastically. "It's cold, your employees are incompetent, I'm sick of meeting dead ends that weren't dead before and I'm hungry. I'm having the _time of my life._ Speaking of time, it hasn't stopped just for us to have this conversation, so I suggest you leave so I can solve this damn thing in peace."

Aksel made a facial expression that resembled a kicked puppy, and Sigurd felt just a moment of sympathy, before remembering that this was the man who stole his brother.

"See you later, then." Aksel said with a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Good riddance." Sigurd said as the king disappeared in a flurry of sparkles. Then the Norwegian turned to Lovino.

"Leading me back to the beginning, huh?"

"I just said that so he wouldn't dunk me in the bog of eternal stench." Lovino said dismissively, leading Sigurd up a ladder. The blond teen remembered the description of the bog from the stories, but since everything else was different than expected, why not the bog, too?

"How can I trust anything you say?" Sigurd asked.

"What choice do you have?" Lovino countered.

They climbed for a minute in silence, then the Italian spoke up again.

"I think you really hurt him, Sig."

"Who, Aksel? He had it coming."

"I agree, but he's never made that face before." Lovino said thoughtfully. "You know, that damn puppy-dog face. Antonio used it all the time."

"I bet Antonio wasn't as much of an asshole as Aksel is, though."

"And you'd win that bet. Don't _ever_ tell Antonio I said this, but he's the sweetest, kindest person I've ever known. What you said earlier, about him putting up with me, that really got to me, because I've wondered that myself..."

"Again, I'm sorry."

"Whatever. Ah, here we are." Lovino said, pushing open a trapdoor. They found themselves up top again, climbing out of a dry fountain. "Well, this is as far as I can take you. See you later."

What the fuck. Sigurd had never felt so cheated in his whole life. Sure, he knew Lovino was a bit of a coward, but _they had had a deal._

"You brat!" the Norwegian exclaimed. "You little brat! Here I was, thinking you were maybe a decent person after all, but all you are is a brat!"

"Say what you want, I got no pride left." Lovino huffed, staring to walk away. In a fit of desperation, Sigurd grabbed the Italian's tomato bag, lifting it high in the air. Lovino yelped in anger, and tried to jump for it, but he was much too short.

"And now the cheater has become the cheated." Sigurd said.

"Dammit! That's not fucking fair! Stop taking advantage of my height!" Lovino yelled. "Those are _my_ tomatoes! Give them back right fucking now!"

"I don't think so, you little traitor." Sigurd said, holding the little boy at arm's length. "I'll give these back to you _after_ we reach the castle in the center of the Labyrinth."

"You can't do this! They're my rightful property, dammit!"

"If you keep struggling, I think I'll eat one or two." Frankly, the idea of eating a raw tomato didn't appeal to Sigurd, but the threat worked, as Lovino had stopped trying to hit the blond.

"Fine! I'll get you to the castle, but I won't be happy about it!"

"You should be, if it means you get to see Antonio again." Sigurd pointed out.

"Don't try that logic shit with me, you bastard!"

After a few more choice insults from Lovino, and a couple more threats from Sigurd, the two started walking. They had not gone far before they met a dwarvish-looking creature wearing a bird for a hat.

"Guten tag!" the dwarvish-looking creature said with a smirk.

"Bonjour~" said the hat, looking Sigurd up and down. "It is a fine one that Aksel has brought here, no? Such pretty blond hair and eyes like sapphires~"

"Am I being hit on by a bird?" Sigurd asked incredulously.

"Yeah. I know these guys." Lovino sighed, as if he were ashamed of their existence. "They were Antonio's friends back in the human world. The albino dwarf bastard's brother was dating Feli."

"So you're the brother of this Ludwig I've heard about?" Sigurd asked the dwarf.

"Ja. I am the _awesome_ Gilbert Beilschmidt, and this hat, which _isn't_ Gilbird, sadly, is Francis Bonnefoy."

"A pleasure to meet you." the hat said with a funny little bow.

"I'd stay to chat, but I need to solve this Labyrinth. Any tips?" Sigurd asked.

"Our information comes at a price." Gilbert said primly.

"Ugh. You want me to listen about whoever you miss in the human world, right?"

"How did you know?"

"Everyone's he's met here has told him their life's story." Lovino grumbled. "I think he's learned to expect it."

"Well, this won't take too long, I promise." Gilbert said. "And you don't have to hear about Francis' every affair, because that would take all year."

"That hurts, mon ami."

"It's true, though. Anyway, back when I was human and, you know, _awesome,_ I had a weird tendency to annoy people. This one pianist from Austria and his Hungarian girlfriend _despised_ me. Actually, the girl's the one who wished me here, but never mind her.

"The person I miss more than anything, even more than I miss my little brother, is Matthew Williams." Gilbert sighed. "He's the most adorable person I've ever known and I swear, I'd do anything for him. He had a brother, Alfred, who was always forgetting him, and I guess Mattie took that kind of personally... we were a team, him and I. I never forgot him, and he never told me to piss off..."

"Alfred? Last name Jones?" Sigurd asked.

"Yeah. A right asshole, he was."

"How long ago were you wished away, Gilbert?"  
"'Bout a year." the dwarf said with a shrug. "Why?"

"No reason. Just give me the information I need." _So Alfred is probably alive..._ Sigurd thought. _Man, that'll give Arthur a shock... and a heavy decision to make, if he really is in love with a byrd... whatever that is._

"Nothing is as it seems, and what it seems to be isn't." Gilbert recited. "By the way, you have seven hours left."

"Is that all?" Sigurd asked, feeling cheated again.

"Yup."

"That was not worth your sob story." the teen huffed. "Come on, Lovino. Let's go."

"Bye, assholes." the Italian said as he and Sigurd walked away.

"See ya, Lovi!" Gilbert called.

"Adieu, mon amis!" said Francis.

Once they were out of earshot, Lovino shuddered.

"God, I hate those two. The frog-bird was always trying to grope Antonio and albino bastard is _such_ a jackass."

"The information he gave me is entirely useless." Sigurd grumbled.

"He just wanted to whine to someone about Matthew." Lovino explained. "I bet he's just as lost in here as you would be without me."

Just then, a thundering roar erupted from where they were heading, causing both of them to jump.

"Aaand now you're without me. Bye!" said the Italian, hurrying away.

"Fuck you, Lovino!" Sigurd called after him. He started off in the direction they had been heading, but was stopped once more by another roar.

"Nothing is as it seems..." the blond repeated, taking a deep breath and stepping into the little courtyard.

There, in the very center, sat the thing which had been roaring. It looked like it was half man, half lion, and was chained to the ground by its limbs and neck. Around it were four little creatures that looked like playing cards, poking it with spears.

"Do you think it's, like, sentient?" the three of hearts asked. "We should totally paint its nails pink."

The beast snarled at that.

"I don't think we're allowed to to that." said the two of clubs.

"Come _on,_ Toris. It's not like the king is gonna know..."

"W-w-we could get in _big_ trouble for this..." the four of diamonds said.

"What Aksel doesn't know won't hurt him." the eight of spades.

"Hey!" Sigurd shouted, and they all turned to him.

"What do _you_ want?" the three demanded, then suddenly seemed to get a case of the shy and hid behind the two of clubs who might have been named Toris.

"I want you to release that creature." Sigurd said in a commanding tone, sounding braver than he felt. The beast roared again, and Sigurd heard a rumbling off in the distance.

"And what if we don't?" the eight asked testily.

"I shall tell the king _all_ about your painting plans." Sigurd said. "I'm sure he'll be _thrilled._ He's in a bad mood, you know. Was talking about not having cut anybody's heads off in a while... last I saw him, he was sharpening his ax."

The creatures looked more than a bit worried, but the eight one also seemed suspicious.

"Who are you to threaten us like that?" it asked.

"My name is Sigurd, and I can contact the king _any_ time I like. He's totally infatuated with me, you know." To be honest, Sigurd was sure this was a lie, but it did its job. The smallest creature and the nail-painter were shaking with fear, and the other two were exchanging worried glances.

"We don't believe you." the eight said.

Sigurd was about to open his mouth to retaliate, when a huge boulder rolled in from nowhere and nearly crushed the little creatures. They took off running.

"How convenient." Sigurd remarked, walking over to the beast. "A random boulder out of nowhere... thank you, that really helped."

The beast seemed a bit surprised that Sigurd knew who had sent the rock.

"You're a yeti, right? Can call upon rocks and stuff?"

"Yeah." said the beast.

"You can talk."

"'f course."

"I'll get you out of these chains, but you have to promise not to hurt me."

"I pr'm'se."

Sigurd had a bobby pin in his pocket, which he always had on hand in case he needed to pick a lock. He was extremely grateful that he always kept it with him. Within a few minutes, the beast was free. It stretched, and rubbed its neck where the chain had dug into his skin a bit.

"What's your name?" Sigurd asked.

"'M Berwald."

"It's nice to meet you." said the Norwegian. "Listen, I'm trying to get through this Labyrinth, so I can get my baby brother back. Know the way?"

"No, but I'll come w'th y', if y' want."

"Really? Thank you. You seem a lot more reliable than my _last_ companion. How did you end up here?"

"Th' king 'n I had a dis'greement."

"Ah."

"He brought me here 's a human, but then I f'll 'n love with h's fav'rite servant, s' Aksel sep'rated us and turned me 'nto a monst'r."

"With every person I meet, I think less of the king." Sigurd said, shaking his head sadly. "Come on, if I make it to the castle, I'll see what I can do about getting you restored back to human form and sent back to where you came from."

"Tino, too?"

"Everyone."

"Th'nks. That's really good of y'."

Sigurd smiled slightly. So far, out of everyone in the Labyrinth, he liked Berwald the best.

"Which way to go..." Sigurd said to himself. He noticed two doors that definitely hadn't been there before. The knockers were the faces of two women who might have been sisters. One had the ring in her mouth and the other in her ears.

"They might have been pretty, if not for the giant rings." Sigurd remarked. Berwald nodded.

"Don't stare at me," the one with the ring in her ears hissed, "only my brother is allowed to do that! Why can't I find my brother? _Where is he?_"

Sigurd and Berwald exchanged a glance that said "well, _she's_ crazy."

The other knocker seemed to be trying to say something, but her voice was muffled by the ring. Sigurd walked over and pulled it out of her mouth.

"Thank you!" she said happily. "You have no idea how awful it is, having that thing in your mouth!"

"What were you saying earlier?" Sigurd asked.

"I was saying that it's no use talking to my sister, she's deaf as deaf can get."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" the other knocker yelled. "I HOPE IT WASN'T ABOUT BROTHER BECAUSE HE IS MINE! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Uh-huh..." Sigurd said. "Do you have any idea where these doors lead?"

"Sorry, can't help you there." the less-crazy sister replied sadly. "We're just the knockers. But if you want to get through either one, all you have to do is knock!"

"Well, I'm not knocking with _her,_" Sigurd said, gesturing to the nutty one, "she looks like she'd bite my fingers off. Mind having the ring back in your mouth? I wanna knock."

"It's fine," the girl said, "it's my job."

She opened her mouth compliantly and Sigurd slid the ring back in place. He knocked on the door three times, then removed the ring again as it opened.

"I'll leave it here," he said, putting it between the doors, "and if anyone else wants to get through, just remind them to take it out when they're done."

The girl looked shocked at the prospect of not having the ring in her mouth twenty-four/seven, but then she beamed.

"Thank you! Thank you!" she cried happily, as Sigurd and Berwald walked through the door. "Thank you so much!"

"She could have thought of that earlier... I'm sure I'm not the first person to take that ring out of her mouth." Sigurd muttered at the door closed behind them.

"St'll, that was r'lly nice of y'." Berwald said.

"It was just common sense." Sigurd said, though he was smiling.

They had entered the more forested part of the Labyrinth. It was highly reminiscent of a snowy day in Narnia. The pine trees glittered with icicles, and the new-fallen snow crunched beneath their feet. It was quite beautiful.

"I've got a bad feeling 'bout this place..." Berwald muttered.

"Really? It feels like Christmas to me..." Sigurd said. He really liked the nostalgic feeling.

"'S too peaceful..."

"Relax, Berwald. I'm sure we'll be fine."

That's when the ground opened beneath Berwald's feet, and he fell before he had a chance to shout. Quickly, the forest floor closed back up again, leaving Sigurd wondering what had just happened.

"Berwald?" he looked around, and a sense of panic filled him. "Berwald! BERWALD!"

* * *

**Oh my god Denmark stop being an ass**


	4. Byrds Of A Feather

Meanwhile, in another part of the Labyrinth...

"BERWALD! Lovino? Anyone?"

The Italian started, and began running towards the voice.

"I'm coming, Sigurd!"

"Going somewhere?"

Dammit!

Slowly, Lovino turned. It was Aksel. Of _course_ it was Aksel.

"Er... Sigurd... just gave me the slip..." the little brunet said, "but... I've found him now... and I was just going to go get him and lead him back to the beginning."

Aksel laughed.

"If you really wanted to lead him back to the beginning, you'd have done it already." the king said. "You know what _I_ think? I think you've just been caught in the vice grip of friendship. I didn't expect it of you, really, but what's done is done."

"Fuck you, Aksel!" Lovino exclaimed, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. "I know you love Sigurd, dammit! How could you do this to someone you care about? What kind of a heartless bastard are you? Sigurd's just trying to get his brother back, and put everything back in its rightful place!"

Aksel raised an eyebrow.

"It's foolish of you to put all your hopes towards one mortal boy." the king said. "He will fail, and you'll be back to square one."

"He's going to make it!" Lovino insisted. "You know what _I_ think? I think you're scared of losing Sigurd! You just don't want him to return to the human world, because you're having too much fun playing with him! Instead of trying to win his affections, like a _normal_ person would, you're just being creepy and possessive! No wonder everyone hates you!"

For the briefest of moments, the king looked vulnerable. Melancholic. Heartbroken. But then that moment passed, and the king laughed.

"Even though you're a full-grown adult, you're still so naïve, believing that love will solve everything." Aksel chuckled. "Why do you think I chose that form for you?"

"Love is the most powerful force in the whole damn universe." Lovino replied.

"So foolish..." Aksel smirked, playing with one of his crystals. All of a sudden, he tossed it to Lovino, who caught it and found that he was holding a peach. "Give that to Sigurd, as a little gift from me."

"It won't... it won't _hurt_ him, will it?"

"I promise you, it won't harm him in any way." Aksel said, and Lovino knew the king was as good as his word. "Go find him, then. You're no use to me just standing there."

"You know..." Lovino said, turning away, "Sigurd _could_ love you; he's got a bigger heart than you do, that's for sure. But you're blowing every chance you get. I recommend getting a few dozen cats to keep you company when you're all alone."

* * *

Sigurd wasn't not at all happy. Why did every friend he make here leave? And now he was totally lost... of course, he had been lost earlier, but that was when he was with Berwald and being lost when you're with someone is a lot less scary than being lost when you're alone.

_Snap!_

And now there was something following him. Great, just great.

"Whoever you are, I know you're there, so you might as well show yourself."

Five feathery creatures dropped down from the trees above him. They seemed to be bird-human hybrids, like how Berwald was a cross between a lion and a human. One of them was very small, and covered with down. It couldn't have been much older than Emil. Two of them, a male and a female, seemed to be about three or four, and the other two looked fully-grown.

Could these be byrds?

"Aaiyah! An intruder!" the oldest one squawked in a Chinese accent. "Looks like we have found our dinner ~aru!"

"I'm really not that tasty." Sigurd said.

"We don't care! We've been starving out here ~aru!"

"It _has_ been a while since we last ate..." the second-eldest remarked in a more Japanese-sounding tone.

"Da-ze! I've never eaten human before!" the three-or-four-year-old boy exclaimed happily.

"Me neither!" said the girl.

The little one just stared.

"I'm trying to get through the Labyrinth and put everything right!" Sigurd said sharply. "Weren't you humans once?"

"We were..." said the eldest, advancing on Sigurd, "but you'll never make it to the center. We might as well eat you now and save you the trouble ~aru."

"That is true." the second-eldest remarked.

"Kiku, that really didn't add much." the Chinese one muttered.

"Can we help kill him, Aniki?" the little boy chirped.

"You're too young ~aru."

"Awww!" the two little ones moaned in unison.

"If you eat me, you'll get in trouble with the king." Sigurd warned. "He's taken a liking to me, or at least wants to finish me off himself."

"We'll tell him we had no choice." said the Japanese one.

"We might eat him, too ~aru!"

"Ew, I'm sure all that glitter tastes nasty!" the little boy said.

The littlest walked right up to Sigurd and nuzzled his foot. Sigurd's heart nearly exploded from the adorableness.

"Come on, Yao. Our dinner's getting cold." Kiku said, taking a step towards the human teen.

_Yao?_

"Wait!" Sigurd said. "Do you know Arthur Kirkland?"

Yao ruffled his feathers and huffed.

"I know him. He's a stubborn, stuck-up, foul-mouthed man ~aru."

"I was told that he's in love with you." Sigurd said with a shrug. "He helped me earlier, you know. Aided me in answering riddles."

"He's not supposed to help you." Yao huffed. "It's against the rules. Besides, he's too cold to help any other living creature ~aru."

"Maybe you softened his heart?"

"He hasn't got a heart to soften! Now enough talking, it's dinner time ~aru!" Yao exclaimed, leaping forward. Sigurd had to duck out of the way to avoid getting tackled.

"I think he _does_ have a heart." Sigurd said resolutely. "And I think you're in denial."

"Am not!"

"You kind of are, Yao." Kiku said.

"Not you, too ~aru!" Yao moaned. "This isn't relevant! I don't care if Arthur helped you or what! I'm hungry ~aru!"

Sigurd decided to run. Unfortunately, despite their inability to fly, the byrds could use their wings to leap and soar great distances. Luckily for Sigurd, only two of the creatures actually posed a threat, as the rest were all very, very young.

Eventually, he reached a dead end. Sigurd swore loudly.

"Up here!" a voice called. Sigurd looked up to find Lovino at the top of the wall, throwing down a rope for Sigurd to climb.

"Thanks!" Sigurd replied, grabbing onto the rope and scurrying up the wall. He wasn't particularly athletic, but when man-eating byrds are chasing you, you find you can do all sorts of things you could never do before.

When he reached the top, Lovino pulled up the rope and set it aside. Before he could do anything, Sigurd hugged him.

"What the- what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"You just saved my life." Sigurd said, releasing the brunet. "Even though you're a little coward, you're still a good person."

"Whatever! I only saved you because you're my ticket out of here!" Lovino grumbled. Sigurd only smiled softly as they began walking.

"Why did you decide to come back?" Sigurd asked.

"I... heard you yelling for help." Lovino admitted. "Only a cruel bastard would leave his friend in trouble."

"I'm your friend now, huh?" Sigurd asked, mildly amused.

"Yeah, like it or not." Lovino said. "So what was that roaring, anyway?"

"A friendly yeti who looks more like a lion than Bigfoot." Sigurd replied. "I lost him earlier, and I'm kind of worried..."

"I'm sure he'll be fine. The king wouldn't dare hurt one of your friends, for fear of incurring the wrath of Sigurd!"

"What wrath?" the blond asked. "Do I seem wrathful?"

"Guess the king thinks so, but I suppose his perceptions all muddled by love or whatever. You're really messing him up-"

The rest of Lovino's sentence was interrupted by the ground opening beneath their feet. Sigurd didn't like it when it did that.

They slid down a tunnel that went on for a short ways, then abruptly opened up into a marshy area. Sigurd had to catch himself on a bit of jutting wall and then grab Lovino. To the Italian's dismay, his bag of tomatoes fell into the swamp below.

"Crap! Those were the best of this year's crop!" Lovino whined as Sigurd pulled him up.

"Why did we end up down here?" Sigurd asked, trying to breath through his mouth. They were in the bog of eternal stench.

"I was telling you about Aksel's new-found weaknesses." the Italian said.

"I'm his weakness?" Sigurd asked incredulously. "He's the most powerful thing in the Fae world! How can _I_ be his weakness?"

"Aksel may be powerful, but he is no match for love." Lovino sighed. "None of us are."

"Love? I'd call it 'obsession'..." Sigurd said, "kidnapping my brother and dumping me in the bog of eternal stench is _not_ love!"

"He has a weird way of showing it." Lovino explained, though he too seemed a bit exasperated with the king. "And he was merely following the rules. Even _he_ has guidelines to live by. He's kinda obligated to kidnap people."

"That's stupid." Sigurd said.

"I agree."

Just then, the ledge they were standing on gave out, and they toppled to the ground. Sigurd found himself on top of what felt like a fur rug, but then he realized that it was breathing.

"Berwald! I was wondering what had happened to you..." Sigurd said, scrambling off of the yeti.

"'M alright... you?"

"I'm fine, though this swamp is giving me a headache. You're sitting on Lovino, by the way."

Berwald got up and Lovino sprang to his feet, brushing himself off angrily.

"You'd think being sat on by a monster in the bog of stench would be a _one time occurrence!_ But _nooo!_" Lovino said.

"Lovi, this is Berwald, the yeti I was talking about. Berwald, this is Lovino... a cowardly yet loyal adult in a child's body." Sigurd said.

"Nice t' meet y'." Berwald grunted.

"Whatever. Let's get out of here." said the brunet.

Berwald looked helplessly at Sigurd, who rolled his eyes.

"Lovino's very nice, believe it or not. He just doesn't act like it." the blond told the beast. Berwald nodded understandingly.

Hoping to get out of the bog quickly, the trio scurried over to a footbridge. It was old, but it looked sturdy enough. Before any of them could set foot on it, however, a small boy dressed in medieval clothing leaped out of nowhere and blocked them from the bridge. He had blond hair, dark eyebrows, blue eyes and fox ears. He also had a large, bushy tail.

"Just a moment, gents!" the child cried in an accent similar to Arthur's. "You shall not pass!" he added, holding a stick in the air.

"Look, we've found a mini-Gandalf." Sigurd said sarcastically. "Let us through, kid. We're in a hurry."

"I'm afraid _not,_ good sir!" the boy said. "None may pass without my permission! I have taken an oath, you see!"

"Move aside, asshole." Lovino growled. "No one gives a damn about your oath."

Berwald gave Lovino a gentle shove.

"What the hell was that for?" the Italian demanded angrily.

"Watch yer language." the yeti said sternly. "There 're children present."

"_I'm_ a child!" Lovino insisted.

"You told _me_ you were an adult." Sigurd pointed out.

"I am!" Lovino cried.

"I'm just as mature as any of you!" the fox boy said loudly. "Maybe even more so!"

"Listen, I'm trying to get to the center of the Labyrinth, so I can turn everybody back into whatever they were before." Sigurd told the little boy. "Don't you have people you want to get back to? Parents?"

The fox boy stiffened.

"I don't have parents. All I have is a lousy older brother who wished me here, and then got stuck as a door guard!"

"Arthur Kirkland, by any chance?"

"Exactly! I'm Peter Kirkland, though I'd rather it be Peter Pan." the boy said with a bow.

"I'm Sigurd, that's Berwald and the foul-mouthed guy is Lovino." said the Norwegian teen. "And I'm looking for _my_ little brother. I really need you to let us through."

"I'm sorry, but I have sworn an oath!" the kid said. "Plus, no one in the human world wants me. I like it better here, where I can do whatever I want!"

Both Sigurd and Lovino felt like slapping the boy. Berwald, however, seemed touched by the kid's story.

"Pet'r." the yeti said, firmly but kindly. "'f w' make it back t' the human world, I'll adopt y' m'self."

The fox boy blinked, stunned at what he had heard.

"You... _really?_"

"'f y' want me fer a dad." Berwald said with a solemn nod.

Peter looked like Christmas had come early. He ran forward and hugged Berwald, who lifted the kid off the ground and hugged him back.

"Of course I do!" Peter cried. "I've always wanted a dad! Who's tall, and has blue eyes, and is you!"

"OK, we've had the mushy family moment, can we cross the bridge now?" Lovino asked, holding his nose. "This place stinks."

"Sorry, can't let you pass!" Peter said, clearly enjoying being held up by Berwald.

"But... Berwald is kinda your father now!" Sigurd said.

"I have sworn an oath!" Peter insisted.

"What exactly did you swear?" Sigurd asked.

"I swore not to let anyone pass without my permission!" said the fox boy.

"Then... may we have your permission?" Sigurd asked.

The boy looked confused.

"Uh... alright." he said, then turned to a nearby tree. "Hanatamago! Here girl!"

A small white ball of fluff came bounding out from behind the tree. It took Sigurd a moment to realize that it was a dog. The puppy yipped and jumped around at Berwald's feet.

"Is it OK if I bring her?" Peter asked his newly-found father. "She's my only friend here..."

Berwald stared at the dog for a moment, before smiling slightly.

"T'no's always wanted a dog..."

"Who's Tino?" Peter asked.

"M' wife... s'pose he'll be your mother..."

Peter considered this for a moment.

"Is he pretty?"

The fox boy didn't seem to mind that his new mother would be a man.

"Beautiful."

"Think he'll like me?"

"He'll l've y'."

Lovino and Sigurd had already started across the bridge. The Italian was already at the other side, waiting impatiently for the rest of his group.

Of course, the bridge _had_ to crumble and fall from under Sigurd's feet. Luckily, he grabbed an overhead branch before he could fall in the foul swamp below.

"Dammit!" he muttered, not daring to look down. "Someone help!"

Berwald make a low grumbling noise that was probably meant to call rocks, but Peter cried out and put his hands over his ears.

"I don't like that noise!" he whined.

When Berwald stopped calling the rocks, Lovino and Sigurd both rolled their eyes.

"Well that's just dandy!" Sigurd exclaimed sarcastically. "Now what?"

Lovino looked like he was at a loss.

"Did it just get colder?" the teen asked.

It was so cold now, in fact, that the bog was freezing over. When Sigurd was positive that the ice was thick enough to stand on, he let go of the branch and landed semi-gracefully before scurrying over to Lovino.

"What just happened?"

A high-pitched chirping noise made them all turn. The littlest byrd from earlier was standing by the bank of the murky liquid, freezing it solid. Apparently, byrds have ice powers. Who knew, right?

After it seemed satisfied with the thickness of the ice, it slid and tumbled over to Sigurd, who quickly picked it up and hugged it.

"What are you doing over here, little guy?" the Norwegian asked. "You should be with your homicidal family..."

The byrd grabbed Sigurd's hand.

"Alright, he's coming with us."

"Any more new family members, and a reunion's gonna break out." Lovino muttered, as Berwald carefully crossed the ice with Hanatamago and Peter in his arms.

Sigurd inspected the byrd carefully. It was definitely male, with thicker eyebrows than the rest of his kind. He had bright amber eyes and dark hair and feathers. Though his expression was blank, he certainly didn't seem as bloodthirsty as the rest of his kind.

"What's your name, little guy?"

"Jia-Long..." the byrd said quietly, as the group resumed their trek.

"I'm Sigurd." the teen said. "I'm looking for my little brother, Emil. He's about your age, but he doesn't talk yet. That's Berwald," Sigurd pointed at the yeti, "that fox boy on his back is Peter, and the kid in the pink dress is Lovino."

"I'm not a kid!"

"Oh, and the dog is Hanatamago."

"Han... tomato?" Jia-Long tried.

"Just call her Hana!" Peter said.

No one noticed that Lovino was trailing at the rear of the group, clutching a peach. Looking around, he moved towards the murky swamp water, and made as if to throw the fruit in.

"_Not the best idea, kiddo..._"

"I can't do this..." Lovino muttered, pocketing the peach.

* * *

**WIDDLE FEATHERY JIA-LONG**


	5. Falling Up

**My apologies for the wait! To put it delicately: MUSIC MAN HAS BEEN CONSUMING MY LIFE.**

* * *

"God, I'm hungry. Did any of the previous wishers die of starvation?" Sigurd asked.

"One or two." Lovino replied, nervously fiddling with the peach, still in his pocket.

"I'm hungry too!" Peter said.

"I c'ld eat..." Berwald added.

Hanatamago yipped.

Only Jia-Long remained silent.

Sigurd and Lovino(and Jia-Long) were at the back of the group, as hunger was slowing the Norwegian down and the Italian had very short legs.

"Uh, Sigurd... here..." Lovino said, holding out the peach. He was praying that Sigurd wouldn't take it, but it was such a fragrant, juicy-looking peach that Sigurd snatched it up immediately.

"Thank you." Sigurd said with a small smile. "Too bad there isn't enough to share with everyone..."

The blond took a bite, and then stared at the fruit with a puzzled expression.

"What the-"

He never got to finish his sentence, as he fell to the ground in a faint a moment later. Lovino picked up Jia-Long and sighed.

"Dammit, I'm so sorry..." the Italian whispered, then hurried up to walk beside Berwald.

* * *

Sigurd opened his eyes, and then closed them immediately. After a minute, he opened them again, only to find himself in the same exact place.

It was quite a sparkly ballroom, decorated with snowflakes and icicles. It might have been huge, but it felt cramped due to all the people in the room. Each and every one of them was wearing a mask. Some were kooky, some were creepy. They were all quite well made.

A strange and tantalizing song was playing in the background. Sigurd couldn't quite identify it. It reminded him of music boxes and electric guitars and old fairy books and had quite an odd nostalgic feeling to it. The whole room did.

Looking down, Sigurd found himself smartly dressed in a blue suit that seemed to shimmer when he moved. In the reflective wall, he could see that his hair had been brushed and part of it had been pinned back with a sparkling cross.

Sigurd began to wander through the crowd, not quite sure what he was looking for. All he knew was that he wasn't quite content at the moment.

And then he spotted Aksel.

The King of the North was leaning against a wall, trying to look like he wasn't avidly scanning the crowd. When he saw Sigurd, he tried to throw what looked like an intimidating-yet-enchanting-glance, but only succeeded in looking pathetic.

Sigurd felt an odd pang in his chest.

Slowly, he walked over to the king, who had managed to recollect his cool demeanor.

Sigurd held out his hand.

"Care to dance?"

He didn't know why he said it, but he never regretted it. The king stared at him in surprise, obviously unused to not being in control of a situation. Tenderly, Aksel took the outstretched hand and followed Sigurd out onto the glittering dance floor.

Sigurd had to take a moment to appreciate how damn fine the king looked in white and red. He had to fight to keep from smirking as Aksel blushed when Sigurd pulled him into a close dancing position.

Slowly, they began to dance. Aksel managed to take the lead, but not without having to fight for it. Aksel was quite a good dancer, and Sigurd was quick to pick up on the steps. Together, they swept across the dance floor, the king's tentativeness fading.

"You know, out of all the people who've ended up here, I've never met anyone like you." Aksel said, turning on the terrible-pick-up-line charm.

"I could say the same, but I don't kidnap people's siblings." Sigurd replied.

"Hey, _you're_ the one who wished him away!"

"I didn't mean it!" Sigurd insisted. "But... I'm sort of glad I did..."

Aksel blinked.

"You are? Why?"

Sigurd shrugged.

"I grew up on fairytales... all my life, I've wanted an adventure like this. Until now, I never had any friends, but now I have Lovino and Berwald and Jia-Long.. and Peter, I guess..." the Norwegian teen said. "And you made this all happen. I suppose I'm sort of begrudgingly grateful..."

"Uh, you're welcome." Aksel said. "But... why are you being so nice to me? I kidnapped your brother, I forced Lovi to give you a cursed peach... the list is extensive."

"Well..." Sigurd began. "When I was younger, and my mom would tell me stories about you, I always thought that the girl in the story was foolish for not taking up your offer to become your bride... I always thought it was a good deal; she'd still save her brother, right? I guess I felt bad for you, since everyone in the story thought of you as a villain...

"Of course, the story said _nothing_ about how much of an asshole you really are." Sigurd smirked. "When you brought me here, I was convinced that you were as horrible as everyone in the story thought you were... especially when your employees started telling me stories of lost loves... but I guess you really don't have any malicious intents, hmm? I suppose I'm actually starting to see you as an equal... now, if you'll excuse me, I have a brother to rescue."

Sigurd let go of Aksel's hands and turned away.

"Wait! That didn't explain anything!" Aksel said desperately. "Are you just messing with me? It's _my_ job to mess with people!"

"See you later, your highness." Sigurd said, picking up a chair and smashing the curved wall of the ballroom.

* * *

**What am do with Sigurd's emotions?**


	6. Down The Rabbit Hole

The Norwegian teen awoke with a start, sitting upright in his bed. He had Mr. Puffin in his hands and he was still wearing his daytime clothing.

"What an odd dream..." he said.

Try as he might, Sigurd couldn't remember a single detail of his dream.

"Huh." he said. The last thing he could recall was picking up the plush... he must have walked back to his room in a haze of sleep. Yawning, he got up and went over to the mirror on the dresser. It was then that he noticed that his cross pin was missing.

"Now where did I put that..." he muttered, before noticing something.

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

"There's something missing..." Sigurd said, a growing sense of alarm rising in him. "What is it? I found Mr. Puffin, so it's not that... my pin's probably in the other room... dad went out for the evening... what could it be?"

"Sig?" a voice asked, someone knocking on the door.

"Yes?"

"How long am I supposed to reheat the fish for?"

Sigurd sighed, getting to his feet. He opened his door to find his little brother, now eleven.

"I'll put it on the stove for you." the Norwegian said. "Come on."

Together they walked down the stairs. On the walls were several pictures of the family. Tons of baby photos of Emil, and several of Sigurd playing his violin at a recital. Mementos of an average life.

"Doesn't it feel like someone's missing from this?" Sigurd inquired softly, stroking the frame of the nearest photo, which was of his deceased mother.

"No. Why?" Emil asked.

"Look." Sigurd said, stopping at a photo of a family picnic. "You're here, dad's here, your mom's here... but-"

"There's no one missing, Sig." the younger boy said, looking a bit concerned. "It was just us at the lake that day, remember?"

"No..." Sigurd said.

"Come on, I'm hungry."

Emil led his brother down the stairs and into the kitchen, where Sigurd cooked the fish efficiently and plopped it onto a plate in front of the younger blond.

"There you go. Make sure you brush your teeth afterward – it's almost midnight. Don't stay up too late texting Jia-Long."

"Texting _who?_" Emil asked incredulously.

"Don't play dumb. He's the only person you regularly communicate with." Sigurd said, unloading the dishwasher.

"I don't know anyone by that name." Emil said. "Are you feeling alright?"

Sigurd paused.

"I... yeah. I just had a weird dream, is all. I think I'll go back to bed." the older brother said, glancing at the clock. "That's weird..." did the clock always have thirteen numbers?

"Goodnight, brother." Emil said.

"Goodnight..." Sigurd replied, heading back upstairs.

This time, when he glanced at the picnic photo, there were two more people there. Sitting next to Emil was a blank-faced Asian kid with thick eyebrows, and Sigurd just _knew_ that this must be Jia-Long. The other person had his arm around Sigurd's shoulder and was grinning at the camera. Sigurd blinked and the extra figures were gone before he could get a closer look.

"I must be really tired." Sigurd remarked. When he got to his room, he went to turn off his computer, but found a file open that he had forgotten to save. It was one of his stories, and it was entitled "Labyrinth".

"_Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the goblin city to take back the child which you have stolen_"

It stopped there.

"Take back the child..." Sigurd muttered. "Oh. _Oh._ Emil!"

"Yes?"

Sigurd whipped around to find his brother standing in the doorway again.

"What's going on here?" Sigurd demanded. "Where is Emil?"

"I'm right here!" Emil said, bewildered.

"How could you be? My brother is two years old! If he was eleven like you, then I'd be, like, thirty-six or something! _Where is my brother?_"

"Isn't this what you want?" not-Emil asked. "Isn't this what you're fighting for? Aren't I what you're looking for? We're so much closer in age than you and the _other_ me. Doesn't this work better, big brother?"

"Don't call me that!" Sigurd said sharply. "You're just a copy! A ripoff!"

"I'm the closest thing to the real Emil there could ever be." not-Emil stated. "Can't we just live here together?"

"No! Fuck off! I need to rescue the _real_ Emil Steilsson from- THIS IS HIS DOING, ISN'T IT."

"Aksel's? Probably. How should I know? I'm just a ripoff, as you so eloquently put it."

"What's he trying to do?" Sigurd exclaimed. "Mess me up? Keep me in a dream state? I thought he liked me!"

"But you don't like him." not-Emil reminded Sigurd. "He just doesn't want to lose you, I think. Because you want to rescue me and go right back home, correct? You don't want him. You want your brother back."

"This is cheating." Sigurd said dryly. "How do I get out of here?"

"I only know as much as you do." not-Emil replied.

"Like fun you do! Tell me how to get out of here or so help me I will make the rest of your days a living _hell._"

"You think you're scary but you're not." not-Emil remarked. "Just stay here with me."

"Aksel!" Sigurd called, ignoring the phony. "If you really do care for me, _play fairly._"

As answer, an avalanche occurred.

Sigurd leaped out of the way just in time, only to realize that the avalanche was not of dirt, but of his old storybooks.

"What the hell?" Sigurd asked.

"Sig?" a familiar voice called from above the book fall. "Is that you?"

"Peter?" the Norwegian called back. "Yeah, it's me."

"Hold on, we're gonna get you out of here." Peter said enthusiastically.

After a few moments, a few streams of daylight shone down through the books. Berwald must have been clearing out the doorway. Pretty soon, there was a gap big enough for Sigurd to crawl through. Berwald helped him up and out, and Jia-Long waved a pudgy hand.

"Where's Lovino?" Sigurd asked.

Peter shrugged.

"He ran off!" the fox boy said.

"Damn him and his weird guilt complex." the teen sighed, picking up the little byrd. "Come on, let's get moving. I don't have much time left."

They picked their way out of the dump heap(which contained too many books for Sigurd's liking) and found themselves at the gates of the glacial city.

It was a huge wall, built entirely of ice that shimmered in the sun. The doors were grand and quite wide, and were guarded only by a sleeping member of the icekind leaning against a pillar. Built into the doors, however, was a huge snow behemoth, slightly reminiscent of a deranged mutant killer monster snow goon.

"Well, that isn't ominous at all." Sigurd said dryly.

"We can beat it! It's only frozen water particles!" Peter said enthusiastically.

"D'n't w'nna get frostbite." Berwald said.

"Icicles." Jia-Long warned.

Sigurd and Berwald looked back to find a row of impossibly long, impossibly sharp icicles pointed right at them. There was no backing out.

"I suppose we'd better wake our opponent up, then." Sigurd said, going up to the ice monster and kicking it in the shin. With alarming quickness, the being sprang to life. It was clutching a huge pipe segment, which it began swinging as soon as it was oriented. Sigurd leaped out of the way and ran over to Berwald.

"Any ideas?" Sigurd asked.

"D'n't get k'lled." the Swede replied, picking up Peter and Hanatamago.

"Sounds good to me." Sigurd said as they dodged the pipe.

"Kolkolkolkol." the ice demon said in a chilling voice. It moved forward, slowly but surely. Sigurd couldn't see any way out of this.

"Well, it was nice knowing you all." Sigurd said. "Sorry I couldn't get you back to the human world."

"You're not giving up, are you?" Peter exclaimed. "Come _on,_ it's just snow!"

The giant moved closer. Berwald had to duck under it's pipe.

"Kolkolkolkol." the demon said again.

What happened next occurred in a blur.

There was Lovi, there was fire, and then there was a puddle.

Everyone stared at the Italian, who held in his hand a single spent match.

"Come on, _everyone_ knows that the ice behemoth is practically _made_ of vodka!" Lovi said, rolling his eyes. "Don't look at me like that! It was the smart thing to do! I'll leave now. You don't want a dirty traitor like me hanging around."

Sigurd sighed.

"Stop with the drama and help me open this gate."

Together, the group managed to get the imposing barrier open. No one said anything further about Lovi, as it went with a silent understanding that he regretted what he did and he was fully on their side now. It also went without saying that Sigurd had completely forgiven him.

The city was beautiful.

It sparkled like, well, freshly-fallen snow. It shone like morning light through icicles. It was nostalgic and quaint and brisk and wonderful.

It was also empty.

"'S quiet." Berwald remarked.

"Too quiet." Sigurd agreed.

Hanatamago leaped from Berwald's arms and ran over to one of the igloos, yipping and sniffing at the air.

Immediately, a whole legion of snow goblins jumped out and tried to grab her. Suddenly, the whole village was a flood of miniature snow goons. Sigurd had to be careful to avoid tripping over them. They prodded at the group with icicles, but those were easily dodged. The only advantage that the little pests had was their numbers, which were vast.

There were all sorts of them, though even the very tallest didn't reach much higher than Sigurd's waist. They were all colored in whites and pale blues, and all of them looked like they were the demented sculptures of a very bored kid. They kicked and screeched and fought their very hardest, but they were hardly a match for Berwald.

The Swede pushed them aside with little effort, clearing a path to walk through. Peter cheered him on the whole way, and Hanatamago helped dispatch a few of the smaller imps. Sigurd and Lovi kept the rest from jumping onto Berwald's back. In that odd manner, they made their way to the castle at the center.

If the village was beautiful, then the castle was utterly hideous. Sure, the ice sparkled, but the inordinate amount of spikes on the walls and the ugly gargoyles and the ghastly architecture kinda ruined the effect.

"Yuck." Sigurd said.

"I know." Lovi said.

"I think it's TOTALLY WICKED!" Peter exclaimed.

"Let's j'st go in 'lready." Berwald said, marching forward.

They knocked the door down with relative ease and then started up to what must have been the throne room.

"Geez, security's rather light around here..." Sigurd remarked.

"They never figured anyone would ever make it this far." Lovi shrugged.

"Who's there?" a voice squeaked from the throne room.

Berwald drew a sharp intake of breath.

"It's Tino." he whispered.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go in and meet him." Sigurd replied.

"He can't see me l'ke th's!" Berwald whispered. "'M a monster!"

"Oh. My. God." Sigurd said. "No. I am _not_ dealing with your stupid monster insecurities. If you wanna hang back and be a coward, be my guest. I've got a brother to save."

"I thought I was gonna meet my new mama?" said Peter. Berwald looked torn.

"Come on, Sigurd. We'll let Peter watch after Berwald while we go kick some royal butt." Lovi said.

"_Who's there?_" the voice asked again.

Sigurd(with Jia-Long in his arms) and Lovi strode confidently into the room, followed by Peter, Hanatamago, and Berwald.

Standing behind the icy throne was a sweet-looking man holding an icicle in one trembling hand. He looked terrified.

"We're not going to hurt you." Sigurd said calmly. "I'm here to help."

"Me too." said Lovi.

"Me three! And also papa!" said peter.

Tino leaned forward over the back of the throne, squinting slightly.

"Berwald...?"

The Swede averted his gaze.

Tino shrieked, vaulted himself over the throne and tackled a stunned Berwald.

"Berwald! Ohmigod! I thought Aksel had... I dunno, _killed_ you or something! Where _have_ you been? I've missed you so much! How did you get here? Why did that kid call you 'papa'? What's been happ- oh my god what did Aksel _do_ to you?"

Tino had finally noticed.

"Wh't he does t' everyone." Berwald said, slightly stunned. "He made me int' wh't he sees me as."

"Aksel's such a jerk!" Tino exclaimed angrily, still wrapped around Berwald. "Let's go kill him!"

"That's my job." Sigurd said.

"Aw, quit hogging all the fun stuff for yourself!" Peter said.

"Oh yeah, who's the kid?" Tino asked, going from excited to suspicious in the blink of an eye.

"Well..." said Berwald.

"Are you my new mama?" Peter asked innocently.

Tino looked conflicted.

"He's ad'pted." Berwald assured Tino.

"Oh." said Tino. "_Oh._" he kneeled down so he was eye-level with Peter. "What's your name?"

"I'm Peter!" said the fox-boy.

"Nice to meet you, Peter. I'm Tino." said the servant. Sigurd thought his accent sounded Finnish. "Welcome to the family."

They hugged.

"Hanatamago, too, right?" Peter asked.

"Hanata_what?_" Tino asked incredulously.

"My dog!" Peter said, as the little pup ran over and put her front paws on Tino's leg.

"Aw, what a sweetheart!" the Fin exclaimed, picking the dog up. "Of course she's part of the family!"

"It seems everything here is under control." Sigurd remarked. "Know where Aksel is?"

Tino pointed to a flight of stairs.

"Thanks." said Sigurd. "Lovi, you stay here with Jia-Long."

"Do I hafta?" Lovi asked. "This mushy family moment is making me nauseous!"

Sigurd handed the little bird-boy to the Italian.

"You hafta. Wish me luck."

"Good luck, moron." Lovi said grumpily.

With that, the Norwegian teen turned on his heel and left the room. He followed the stairs until he came upon a room that made his head spin.

It was the Escher room.

"Ah, _here's_ the architectural prowess that I was expecting..." Sigurd muttered.

As he looked around, something caught his eye.

It was Emil.

The toddler was sitting across, above and underneath the room, as far away from Sigurd as possible. He was playing with one of the many crystal spheres that Aksel seemed to own.

"How do I... let's see... if it's just a matter of wonky gravity and forced perspective..." Sigurd placed his foot at the edge of the landing he was standing on, and with a rolling step found himself standing underneath it. Sigurd examined potential pathways to his brother. After about five minutes, he found he had gotten the hang of navigating this strange dimension. The trouble was, Emil kept crawling around and getting further out of reach.

"Dammit, Emil!" Sigurd said. "It's like you don't even want to get rescued!"

Finally, Sigurd found himself on the same ledge as his brother. Before he could pick him up, however, a thought occurred.

"Logically, if I were to touch you, we'd both get sent back to the human world and everything would be normal. That's the way it should be, I guess, but that's not what I want. I want to talk to Aksel. Think you can be a good boy and stay here while I do that?"

As if in answer, Emil put his hands on the wall and shakily got to his feet. Pushing away from the brick, he took his first few steps.

"Wonderful." Sigurd said, turning to the edge of the landing. "See you in a bit, brother."

He jumped.

* * *

**My chapters aren't size consistent AT ALL**


	7. Brambles

As Sigurd fell, he was reminded of a story about a silly young girl who followed rodents down holes in the ground. The descent was slow and passed in a surreal haze. When he landed, he found himself in a rose garden of sorts. There were blossoms of every size and color, even blue, and they all smelled divine. There were stone paths between the trellises and bushes, set with smooth white rocks that glowed under the moonlight,

It was quite lovely, but very cold.

"What are you doing here?" a quaky voice asked. Sigurd turned to find Aksel behind him. "You've found your brother. You've solved my Labyrinth. You've defeated everything I've thrown at you. You have the option to leave, you know. Click your heels together and go home."

"I wanted to talk to you first." Sigurd said, noticing the tear tracks down Aksel's cheeks with concern.

"You mean _torture_ me?" Aksel asked. "I can't take much more of this, Sigurd. You messing around with my heart. Just leave and let it be done with already so I can drown my woes in liquor!"

"Can you cut the drama?" Sigurd asked.

"You're not taking me seriously!" Aksel said bitterly. "Is everything a joke to you? You don't seem to think my feelings are real. God, just _leave_ already. I can't deal with this. Take your brother and go! Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, but not anymore." said Sigurd.

"You're so finicky." Aksel stated. "I've done all this for you, I've helped you learn to appreciate your brother, I _reordered time,_ and now you don't want any of that? Wow. Grateful, much?"

"Let me finish." Sigurd said. "I don't want any of that anymore... because I want _you,_ you idiot."

Aksel blinked.

"OK, now I _know_ everything is a joke to you." he said. "That's just mean."

"You're making this more difficult than it has to be." Sigurd said.

"No, _you_ are."

"You're being childish, Aksel." Sigurd sighed.

Aksel, ever the drama queen, fell to his knees.

"_Go!_ Go back home, Sigurd. Stop messing with my emotions." he said darkly. "You don't want me. No one does. I'm the villain. The bad guy."

Sigurd, feeling an unfamiliar pang in his chest, knelt in front of the king and with his right hand, raised the man's chin so their gazes met.

"Cut the teenage angst." Sigurd said, though his tone was softer. "I have a proposition for you."

Aksel blinked, obviously a bit dumbfounded at having Sigurd so willingly close.

"You send everyone back to where they came from. Return them to their original state. Memories intact. Including me and my brother."

"What's in it for me?" Aksel asked.

"You'll come with me." Sigurd said plainly.

"What."

"Come with me and give the mortal world a taste of light." Sigurd said. "We could always use a fierce, determined, generous man like you. Come with me, and my life will be that much brighter."

"You're asking me to become mortal?" Aksel asked.

"If you're even willing to do that for me, after I have been so unfair to you." said the Norwegian man.

"Of course!" Aksel said, eyes wide. "Being immortal sucks!"

"So does being human, but at least we can suffer mortality together." Sigurd said. "Come be on equal ground with everyone else. Come make friends and enemies and brownies and lies. It'll be interesting. I'd love to see what you make of my realm."

"To become human... I'll have to destroy this place." Aksel mused. "I put a great amount of power into it, and I need it back to do something like what you suggest. It's doable, though, and I'm more than willing. Wow, I've never been human before... wait, is this another joke? You're joking again, aren't you."

"I don't _do_ jokes." Sigurd told him. "I wasn't joking when I asked you to become human, and I wasn't joking when I told you that I want you. You're just too thick-headed to let it sink in."

"Oh."

Aksel seemed too astonished to really do anything, so Sigurd took the initiative and leaned in to press a kiss to the king's lips.

Sigurd had intended for it to be a sweet, chaste kiss, but he didn't count on how much he'd actually enjoy it. Before Aksel could do so much as gasp, Sigurd had pulled him in closer and deeper into the kiss.

When they broke apart, both parties were a tad out of breath. Aksel had his eyes half-closed and Sigurd wore a half-smile on his lips. Aksel got up, pulling Sigurd to his feet.

"Well, this dimension isn't going to destroy itself!" he said with renewed vigor.

"It certainly isn't." Sigurd replied. "One last grand magical act to finish it off, hm?"

"Finish? Sigurd, this isn't an ending!" Aksel laughed, tears forgotten. "It's a beginning!"

He conjured up one of his magical crystals, tossed it between his hands and then dropped it to the floor. As it shattered, the world around them joined it.

"See you in the human world!" Aksel said happily.

"I can hardly wait." Sigurd replied as everything went black.

* * *

**FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF idk.**


	8. We Are Family

"I'm tiiired..." Peter whined. "When are we gonna find mama?"

"Soon, Peter." Berwald assured him as Hanatamago yawned. "I'm s're 'f it."

They were waiting for the next train, the one that would take them to Finland. There they hoped to find their missing family member. It had been a week since they found themselves back in the human world. They each found themselves in the places they were last, which, luckily, weren't that far apart. Berwald quickly found Peter and Hanatamago and then set out to find Tino.

Fortunately, Berwald had a fair amount of money in the bank, so they traveled in relative comfort. Now they were growing restless and impatient, sick of trains and journeys. They just wanted to find Tino.

"Christmas is coming up." Peter remarked.

"Have y' been a good boy th's year?" Berwald asked.

"You know I have!" Peter said indignantly. "I've been nothing short of a saint! Why, I ought to be on the good list for the rest of my life, what with how good I've been this year!"

"'nd I'm assuming yer exploits in the Labyrinth don't count?"

"Yup!"

Berwald gave a small smile.

Hanatamago suddenly sat up, sniffing the air. She yipped and then darted off into the crowd.

"Hana!" Peter cried, getting up to run after her. Berwald followed close behind.

They chased her through the station, dodging hapless train goers as they went. Neither knew what had gotten into her, but it was obviously important. After they got around a disgruntled conductor, they say what the dog was after.

Tino. Perfect, beautiful Tino, looking confused and helpless as he tried to buy a ticket. Berwald's heart leaped at the sight, and his feet carried him even faster.

Hanatamago got there first. Tino blinked and turned at the sound of excited yapping.

"Hana? What are you-"

"Mama!" Peter exclaimed, running forward and tackle-hugging Tino.

"Peter!" Tino said, astonished. He looked up. "Berwald? Berwald!"

Berwald lifted both Peter(who was holding the dog) and Tino in the air and embraced his family.

"I was worried I'd never see you again!" Tino said breathlessly. "When I woke up here, I was terrified that I had died or something! Oh, it's so good to see you!"

"It's good t' see you too." Berwald replied, returning everyone to the ground.

"Now we can be a family, right?" Peter asked.

"Of course!" Tino said happily.

"Wicked! Now, here's my Christmas list. Items marked in red as the ones I want the most..." Peter began, handing Tino a piece of paper.

"Let's not w'rry 'bout that right now." Berwald said.

"Oh, it's alright, Berwald!" Tino said, scanning the list. "You have excellent taste, Peter! Most of these won't fit down a chimney, though."

"Santa can leave them on the lawn!" Peter said.

"Would they fit in his sleigh, though?" asked the Fin.

"Oh. I didn't think about that." Peter said. "I guess I'll cross off the yacht and the stegosaurus, then."

"That's a good idea." Tino assured him. "Santa will be pleased."

They decided to go to Tino's home, since he claimed it was incredibly roomy. As they boarded the train, Tino pulled Berwald aside.

"What happened, though?" Tino asked. "What happened to Aksel, do you think?"

"Sigurd happened." the Swede replied, giving his wife's hand a gentle squeeze.

"We should find out his email, or something." Tino mused. "We owe him so much... maybe we should invite him over for Christmas!"

"No one's seemed t' notice th't Christmas isn't f'r another seven months." Berwald pointed out.

"Time flies." replied Tino, stepping forward to join his son in the train compartment.

As time went on, they managed to get in contact with Sigurd, who told them about what had happened. He attended Tino and Berwald's wedding, but didn't bring a "plus one". He mentioned something about a boyfriend back home, but gave no further detail.

The years flew by, and all sorts of things happened(as things are wont to do), but they never forgot the Labyrinth, or how it brought them together. Peter told the other children at his school stories about the King Of The North and the adventures to be had in the bog of eternal stench. Tino, every now and then, would meet a person that had ended up in the Labyrinth, and he remembered each and every one. Berwald still exhibited lion-like qualities every now and then, and some would say that his powerful voice could move rocks.  
Because of them, the memory of the Labyrinth lived on.

* * *

**Corny family chapter is corny**

**So I've decided to extend the end date of the cover contest for Frostbite, since I haven't gotten a SINGLE entry yet! The contest will now end at the end of September, and if no one enters by then I'll just draw a stick figure and use it as a cover.**

**On another note, I started writing Yet Another Vampire Fanfiction, featuring PruCan. When I become famous in the Hetalia fandom, I'll be known as "the girl who wrote purposefully stupid vampire fanfics with a lot of bad puns".  
**


	9. Two Birds, One Stone

"Well, here we are." Feliciano said.

"Yeah." said Gilbert.

"Aren't you going to knock?" Feliciano asked.

"I'm scared." the Prussian admitted.

"You don't have any reason to be!" the Italian reminded him. "You should be excited! I certainly am!"

"You're not worried that Ludwig... moved on?"

"Not in the slightest!"

Gilbert glanced over at the car that was parked in the driveway. Matthew's car.

"What if... he found someone else?" Gilbert asked.

"As I always say, give a broken heart a year to mend! And it's been almost exactly a year! We haven't been gone long enough for that to have happened." Feliciano assured him.

"I guess you're right." said the albino, raising a hesitant fist to knock at the door.

A tense moment passed as they waited for it to open.

"Ja?" a deep, familiar voice asked as the door swung open.

"Hi. We're selling girl scout cookies, and we've got a special on thin mints!" Gilbert said. "Nah, I'm just kidding. We already ate all the cookies."

Ludwig blinked.

"What he means is, we're back!" Feliciano said, suddenly muted and unsure. Obviously, he wasn't as confident as he had made himself out to be.

Ludwig stared.

"So... yeah." Gilbert finished lamely. "We're not dead."

They were both quite surprised by what happened next.

Ludwig stepped forward and pulled the two of them into a warm hug.

"I... I can't believe it." he mumbled. "Where have you... why did..."

"It's a long story." Feliciano half-laughed, half-sobbed.

Ludwig released them, though Feliciano kept close.

"You had better come in and explain yourselves, then." Ludwig said, trying to contain his emotions. "We were just moving your things out of the basement, bruder."

"After a whole year? Geez, Luddy!" Gilbert said, tears in his eyes. "There's such a thing as 'too clingy', you know!"

Ludwig didn't reply. Instead, he picked Feliciano up princess-style, earning a gasp and a delighted squeak, and lead Gilbert over to the living room.

It was just like they remembered it, except there were cardboard boxes and feathers everywhere. A shrill squawk was heard, and then a little ball of yellow zoomed into the room at top speed and nearly hit Gilbert in the chest.

"Gilbird!" the albino said happily. "You remember me!"

The bird nuzzled against Gilbert's cheek before fluttering to its old perch on his head.

Ludwig and Feliciano sat down on the couch, Feli in Ludwig's lap. For once, Ludwig seemed more than alright with a bit of affection in front of other people. Before Gilbert could sit down, however, someone else entered the room.

"I think this is the last of it." Matthew said, emerging from the basement with a box of yo-yos. "All we need to do is take down the posters, and-"

The box hit the floor.

"Er... hi, Birdie."

Matthew stared at the albino.

"You..."

"Yeah, I'm back from the dead." Gilbert said. "I've come to warn you about the impending zombie apocalypse. Also maybe eat your brain."

"Ooh, I'm a zombie too!" Feliciano chimed in.

Matthew ran forward and tackle-hugged Gilbert, and the both of them fell to the floor.

"You idiot!" Matthew exclaimed, sitting up. "You've got a lot of explaining to do, Gilbert Beilschmidt!"

"I can't tell if you're happy to see me or not..." Gilbert mumbled.

"Me neither!" Matthew laughed, wiping away tears. "Am I dreaming? This is just too good to be true."

"I know what you mean." Gilbert replied with a weak smile. "I can hardly believe it, myself."

"We were just about to tell the story of what happened to us!" Feli explained. "So are you two going to stay on the floor, or...?"

"Mattie has to let me up, first!" the Prussian man laughed.

"Oh. Sorry." Matthew said in an unapologetic tone. He did get off, though, and they say down on the loveseat by the window.

Gilbert and Feliciano told the story in turns, each explaining how they got wished away and what happened in the Labyrinth. Occasionally, they disagreed on certain details, but their stories definitely matched up.

"So, basically, you went on a one-year drug trip." Matthew summed up when they were finished.

"What? No!" Gilbert said defensively. "It really happened! If you don't believe me, ask Francis! He ought to be visiting soon, anyway!"

"Papa's back, too?" Matthew asked, eyes wide.

"Everyone." Gilbert said. "Lovi, the guy with the eyebrows, those Asian guys..."

"I'm still not sure if I believe you..." Matthew said.

"Same here." Ludwig admitted.

"Well, we'll just have to find everybody who was in the Labyrinth and have them tell you what happened!" Feliciano said.

"Or at least Francis and Lovi." Gilbert added. "There were too many people there to track down every single one."

"Either way, I'm glad you're back." Matthew said with a smile.

"So are we!" Feliciano replied.

"Does this mean we have to move everything back into the basement?" Ludwig asked wearily.

"Since you and Mattie took it all out, you both gotta put it back where you found it." Gilbert said.

"Even the trash?" Matthew asked.

"_Especially_ the trash."

With that, Matthew got up and picked Gilbert up bridal-style and carried him down into the basement.

* * *

**Humorous chapter is humorous. Next up is Obligatory Spamano chapter, followed by summary chapter and epilogue chapter which is not actually a chapter.**

**Originally, Canada was going to punch Prussia, but then I realized that would be too similar to a certain reunion in my other work, Abyssinia.**

**Also, remember the cover contest that is still a thing? Now the one-shot portion of the prize can be for ANY pairing out of ANY fandom I'm familiar with. Homestuck, Soul Eater, Ouran, Doctor Who, Sherlock...**


	10. More Things In The Music

It was a beautiful day when Lovino arrived in Spain. He would have stopped to appreciate it if he wasn't a man on a mission. He purposefully strode through the crowds, occasionally smiling at pretty girls or glaring at motorists who cut him off. It was good to be full-sized again. It was good to drink wine, drive and be respected again. It wasn't good to pay bills again, though.

Now there was only one thing he was missing.

He found it when he heard the music, and followed the masses to a small makeshift stage upon which sat a guitarist. The musician had amassed quite an audience, but he never once looked up at them.

It was a different kind of song than what Lovino usually heard him play. It was much sadder than usual, and filled with a lonesome emptiness that was fairly familiar to the Italian.

The crowd loved it.

After the plaza had quieted and everyone returned to their daily lives, Lovino watched the guitarist slip behind the stage to put his stuff away. Lovino followed him.

The Italian man leaned up against the back of the stage, watching the lean figure close up his guitar case. He smirked slightly, anticipating the Spaniard's reaction.

"That was a beautiful song." Lovino remarked.

"Gracias." Antonio said, straightening up. "It's based off someone I-"

He stopped short, having finally gotten a good look at the shorter brunet.

"... Lovi?"

"Yeah, I've returned from the grave. I need you to avenge me." Lovino said.

"Wha- really?"

Lovino actually laughed.

"No, you idiot!" he said, stepping forward and giving Antonio a playful shove. Really, he just wanted to touch him again. To make sure that they were both real. "I'm alive, I'm really here and god, you look awful."

Antonio looked like he hadn't slept in days. Plus, there were tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.

"I mean, not _inherently_ awful. You actually look pretty good, usually. I just mean that _at this moment_ you look like you haven't been taking very good care of yourself. I'm gone for hardly a year and this is what happens? I'm almost fucking impressed, Antonio."

Lovino was rambling now, a habit picked up from his brother.

Antonio moved suddenly, wrapping his arms around the Italian and lifting him off the ground in a warm embrace.

"Lovi..." he said shakily. "I can't believe... am I dreaming?"

In response, Lovino pinched him. Antonio put him back down.

"That hurt..." the Spaniard remarked, looking slightly dazed.

"You're not dreaming, then." Lovino said.

It took a moment, but a wide grin found its way onto Antonio's face.

"After all this time..." he began, pulling Lovi into another hug. "You came back?"

"I came home." Lovi replied.

Antonio laughed in joy and relief.

"Mi carino, where _have_ you been?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Lovino replied.

"We'll see about that!" Antonio chuckled, cupping Lovino's face with his right hand. "You'll have to tell me everything."

"Only if you pay for dinner." the Italian told him.

Antonio laughed again and, after a moment of not knowing what to do with himself, leaned forward and pressed his lips to Lovino's. The Italian reacted almost immediately, pulling his boyfriend closer and kissing back fiercely.

"Te amo Lovi." Antonio breathed between kisses.

"Shut up and let me love you." Lovino replied.

* * *

**Guys, these chapters AREN'T FILLER. They've been part of the story from the start and they've taken up most of my planning time.**

**Anyway, I've opened up a poll which you may find relevant and/or tiring. Check it out.**


	11. Your Mother Is A Fragid Aardvark

"Say, Emil, did I ever tell you about the time I was, like, kidnapped?" Jia-Long asked.

"No..."

"Man, that one's a doozy. I don't remember it cause I was, like, three, but the rest of my family was kidnapped too so they told me what had happened."

"Uh-huh..." Emil said skeptically, sipping his hot chocolate.

The two of them sat in a Starbucks, Jia-Long with his sketchbook and Emil with a book on fairytales.

"Wanna hear the story? It's hella trippy."

"Sure, why not."

"Well, once upon a time there was, like, this king, who ruled the northern fairy world, and-"

"_Fairy_ world? Forgive me, but I find that very hard to believe."

"You're forgiven. Anyway, this king was, like, under contract to take children who got wished away and give them a place in his Labyrinth, unless the wish-awayer solved the maze within thirteen hours. One day, my oldest brother managed to wish us all away in one fell swoop. He failed to solve the Labyrinth and thus, we were all, like, trapped there as employees.

"About a year and a half later, this boy showed up. He had gotten father through the Labyrinth than anyone else had ever managed, but my family attacked him savagely because they're assholes like that. He got past them and continued on his merry way, and I followed.

"Apparently, the king had fallen in love with this guy, and so they worked out a deal for everything to go back to the way it had been. And that is the story of how I got kidnapped when I was only two years old."

"You were right. That _is_ hella trippy." Emil remarked.

"Oh, did I mention? The guy who made it to the center, the guy who solved the Labyrinth, who warmed the icy heart of the King Of The North – that was your brother."

After a short silence, Emil burst out laughing.

Jia-Long was rather pleased with himself, as he rarely managed to get a reaction this good out of his friend.

"Oh my god, where did you come up with _that?_" Emil asked breathlessly. "Has the dark part of the internet corrupted you in ways we haven't even discovered yet?"

"Yes, but that's, like, not relevant to the story." Jia-Long chuckled, slipping his _camera_ phone back into his pocket. "Ask Yao – he can verify that the story is true and totally happened."

"You could have blackmailed him into going along with it." Emil pointed out.

"Fine. Ask your brother. Better yet, ask your brother and his boyfriend."

"Both of the people you've listed enjoy trying to pull pranks on me." Emil said. "Frankly, I don't even know why you're still trying to convince me that you actually got whisked away to some magical Labyrinth."

"Magical Labyrinth?" a new voice said as a strong hand ruffled Emil's hair. "Wasn't that a film from the eighties?"

"Hey Aksel. What brings you here?" Emil asked, pushing his hand away.

"Well, me and Sigurd-"

"Sigurd and _I._" said aforementioned Sigurd.

"_Sigurd and I_ were about to enjoy a nice, romantic cup of coffee, but now that we've found you two here, we're gonna have to do some meddling!"

"What are you two up to?" Sigurd asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I was just telling him a story." Jia-Long said. "You might have heard it before..."

"Doesn't ring a bell." Sigurd said coldly. "Sounds like a Jim Henson thing to me."

"Come on, sweetie." Aksel said to Sigurd. "Let's leave the kids alone and buy some silly string."

"Yes, your _majesty._" Sigurd said sarcastically. "Be home before six, Emil."

"Mm-hmm."

"Have fun! Use protection!" Aksel called as the Norwegian man pulled him away.

"Your mom should have!" Emil replied, cheeks going red.

"Forget it, Emil." Jia-Long said. "King aren't very good listeners."

"You're still going on about that stupid story?" Emil asked. "There is literally no way you could prove it happened."

"Oh yeah?" Jia-Long said. "Take a look outside."

Though suspicious, Emil did as he was told.

"No way."

"Yes way."

"It's the middle of July!"

"Yup."

It had begun to snow.

"How...?"

"Magic residue or something." Jia-Long shrugged. "Pretty cool, right? That was your brother's doing, I think. He's always been the more magical one."

Emil stared.

"I still don't believe you."

"Whatever. Wanna build a snowman?"

"In shorts and t-shirts? Hell yes."

"He still won't believe it." Aksel pointed out.

"I know. I just like to mess with him." Sigurd replied.

"I think Jia-Long does more than enough of that!" the former king laughed.

"_Fuck_ Jia-Long. I was here first."

"I thought you were friends with him?"

"That doesn't mean I can't hate him with the burning passion of a thousand suns." Sigurd pointed out. Aksel chuckled and put his arm around his boyfriend's shoulders.

"Not in public, stupid." Sigurd said, pushing him away.

Aksel took that as a cue to start singing.

"_Your eyes can be so cruel, just as I can be so cruel..._"

"Don't."

"Oh hey Sig, _you remind me of the babe..._"

"No."

"Come on!" Aksel whined. "We gotta do it! It's an ancient ritual and we need to sing in lieu of blood sacrifice! Do you _want_ to sacrifice blood? I sure as hell don't!"

"Ugh."

"_You remind me of the babe..._"

"What babe." Sigurd said monotonously.

"_The babe with the power!_"

"What power."

"_The power of voodoo!_"

"Who do?"

"_You do!_"

"Do what?"

"_Remind me of the babe!_"

Aksel laughed and Sigurd nearly smiled as they followed the beaten path home.

_It's only forever... not long at all._

* * *

Sigurd fished that note out from under his pillow, a simple piece of paper with all his friends' phone numbers and signatures. In the center, written by Berwald, was this:

_Should you need us..._

* * *

**Ending is end.**

**Check out my new poll, please. Especially those of you who haven't entered my contest, which is ALL of you XD**


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